OK the town doesn’t really exist, but it should have. Although there is no “Hooterville” on any map, I have watched enough episodes of “Green Acres” and “Petticoat Junction” to know quite a bit about the town. Below is how a trip to Hooterville would have gone for me:
I arrived to Hooterville by train. It was a nice surprise to see the hotel I was going to stay at for a week was within walking distance. I walked over to the Shady Rest Hotel and were greeted by Kate and her Uncle Joe. They were nice people. Kate sounded a bit like Betty Rubble and Joe seemed so much like he could have been my uncle, I soon started calling him “Uncle Joe.” (Both of my parents were only children so I don’t have a blood uncle.)
Soon after settling in and unpacking, I headed towards Drucker’s General Store. I had never been in a general store before, so I didn’t know what to expect. It had a lot of things that a supermarket has and a few things that a Wal-Mart would have. There wasn’t much that interested me foodwise because I wasn’t really hungry, but I felt obligated to buy something so I bought a grilled cheese sandwich.
I strolled through Hooterville looking for things to do. It turns out there isn’t much to do there except for shooting the breeze. A man named Mr. Haney (I forgot his first name) liked to talk. He also liked selling stuff. Like rutabagas and gadgets. He said he had one thing to say, but that was after he said 40-50 other things.
I soon ran into a farmhand named “Eb”. I thought he said “Ed” and called him as such, but he said it was “Eb”. (I wondered if it was short for “Ebeneezer” or for “Ebb”.) He thought I might have been hungry or thirsty so he invited me to the Douglas farmhouse to get some water. Lisa was very nice. She even invited me for dinner. I thought about it until I heard the pancakes moan.
I drank some water and headed back to the Shady Rest when I was approached by a pig. He seemed happy, smiling as he was snorting at me. The pig’s owner soon came out and told me he was just saying hi. Then he yelled at the pig for cheating in Checkers again.
I was soon back at the hotel and was joined by three hotties for dinner. Billie Jo, Bobbie Jo, Betty Jo and Uncle Joe and Kate had steak and potatoes and milk.
I would go back to Hooterville if it existed. I would have to make sure that I brought booze with me. Billie Jo, Bobbie Jo, Betty Jo, and Uncle Joe all play hard to get when sober.